Dinner with my kids

It was dinner time. My husband was busy with IPL match. So it was just kids and me at the table for dinner. Since Shruthi and Swathi’s interest towards finishing their homework seemed to decline, I thought I would initiate the topic of how education is so important to our lives. I thought if I make the concept of education very clear, I can make them realize the importance of concentrating on their day-to-day school assignments.

Me: Listen girls! I just wanted to tell you something for a very long time. I was just waiting for the right time to speak this up to you both.

Shruthi and Swathi: What's that?

Me: A career is very important for each one of us. To survive in this world, we all need to hold a decent job.

Shruthi: (She spoke as she contained the food in her mouth) - Then why is it that you are still at home? Why don’t you have a job?

Me: (I did not know how to deal with this unexpected question) - That’s because I now have the responsibility of taking care of you two at home.

Swathi: Then why are you applying for jobs?

Me: (Oh God! How come they know many things?) - That’s because I think that you guys are big enough to manage things on your own. That is why Daddy asked me to look for a job.

Shruthi: Mummy, tell me one thing – who should decide about my job?

Me: Undoubtedly you, darling!

Shruthi: Will my husband interfere and ask me to take care of my kids when I grow up?

Me: He need not interfere. You will willfully stay back if you have to take care of your kids. Sometimes you need not stay back either if you have a responsible person to take care of your kids.

Shruthi: Mummy, I am going to name my daughter “Latika”

Me: (These girls are moving away from the topic!) - Wow! That’s a good name!

Swathi: I will name my daughters Varsha, Shreya, Lalita and I have thought of more names. Did you like these names Ma?

Me: (Oh God!!!??) – Indeed, nice names! Now, let me come to the point. I mean to say that we all have to have a job in hand.

Shruthi: Ok, so?

Me: Only if you study well, you will get good job.

Shruthi: All who are having jobs were good students at school?

Me: (hope she doesn’t understand the reverse to be true and try to figure out that to be the reason why I am at home :)) – Yes. If we all study well, we will get good marks and if we get good marks, we will get a good job and if you get a good job, you will be paid well and you can buy anything you want with that money. Now, how does that shound?

Shruthi: That sounds nice but I have a trouble here.

Me: What is that?

Shruthi: I want to be a teacher and that too a drawing teacher and I don’t understand why a person who is going to be a drawing teacher should learn so many subjects like Maths, EVS, Moral Science, Computer Science and many others. Is it not enough if I learn to draw and maybe attend the Art class in Tarang?

[Tarang is an institute that teaches music, dance, art and such stuff and Shruthi has been asking my permission to join in the art class though she already is in music and dance]

Me: If you want to become a drawing teacher, then why would you learn music and dance? It is just like that.

Shruthi: I am learning them because a drawing teacher can sing at home and dance at parties. In fact, everybody should learn to dance.

(That is her theory probably - that everybody should learn to dance)

Me: Ok, leave that. You were once telling me that you want to be a Princess when you grow big. You changed that idea later on. Is it not?

Shruthi: Yes

Me: You also told me that you wanted to be a Physical Trainer in a school. You changed that too. Is it not?

Shruthi: Yes

Me: A child’s interest would keep on changing like this.

Swathi: When you were young, did you also have changing interests Mom?

Me: Yes, I too wanted to be a teacher and then I decided I would be a lawyer. Now again, coming to the point, when you turn 17 or 18, you would be able to clearly define what you want to become. So that is why we study the basics of all the subjects. That would be useful for us to choose what we want to become.

Shruthi: Maybe I will still say that I want to be a drawing teacher when I turn 18.

Me: That’s ok.

Shruthi: I have another problem here.

Me: Now what?

Shruthi: I haven’t heard of a teacher by name ‘Shruthi’

Swathi: That’s ok Shruthi. What is there in a name? Have you ever heard of a teacher by name ‘Jennifer’ before? And don’t we have a teacher by that name? So I think that’s not a problem.

(I was just laughing bending my head down)

Me: Shruthi, name is not a problem. What I want to say is that you girls are growing. I want you to be good at your studies so that you can choose your career at ease when you turn 18. For that, you need to be very serious with your day-to-day assignments and get good marks all through.

Shruthi: Ok

Me: What about you Swathi?

Swathi: I will also do my homework regularly.

Shruthi: (after a long pause) - Mom, I think you may be right. My interests are changing. Sometimes, I feel that I should be like Daddy working in a bank.

Swathi: Yes, Shruthi. Sometimes I too feel that I want to become a doctor.

Me :) :)

Shruthi: (after some time) - Mom! Will I be paid like Daddy when I become a drawing teacher?

Me: You will definitely be paid but not like Daddy.

Shruthi then began thinking deeply......

My Daughters - My Masters

My daughters – My Masters

I am not kidding. Life’s everyday problems seem to have a solution if I carefully observe my daughters’ approach to an issue. I am getting to learn a lot through them though not directly. Their behaviour is a living example for me to understand that life is not as complex as it seems but is only a pleasure to live in. There are several things that I have to learn from them.

1) A morning smile – I often fail to smile in the morning because of the loads of work I have to do in the morning hours. I carry all tensions within me and hence forget to smile. But their smile is my morning beverage. I may not always exchange a smile with them but I always am sure to receive one. Sometimes I wonder why I am too stingy to share some smiles with them in the morning hours.

2) Fresh start – My daughters (just like any other kids) never get reminded of what happened the previous day. Every day is a fresh day for them to live. They gaze at things as though they are getting to see it for the first time and admire it. I do get irritated at such a behaviour of theirs since I feel it is a waste of time. But they seem to find out a newer perception to the same thing when they view it again and again.

3) Honesty – Yes, all kids are honest or at least we can find out when they tell lies. At the same time, they cannot keep any secrets within them for a longer time.

4) Love for all – My daughters as of now have no preference for one over another. I am very happy about this point. They weigh everybody equally (and that includes me). They can miss anybody and still be happy. What a virtue is this!

5) Fighting and patching up – My daughters fight amongst themselves in such a way that I feel that I have to refer to parenting books to cover the topic ‘sibling rivalry’ but within no time they patch up leaving me in amazement.

6) Innocence – Their eyes gleam with innocence and their deeds just overflow in abundance with innocence. That is the best thing about them. They do not know what is to be spoken with whom. I once remember when one of them asked me loudly what my age was as we were shopping for clothes for me. She thought that the sizes mentioned there represents our age. Other people in the shop smiled at me and I too blushed. The beauty of a child is held intact as long as the innocence is retained I guess.

7) Care – I feel that my daughters’ care towards me is so genuine. They do not know to act or hide any feelings. They do things for me with care and decline to do it when they cannot spare that much care towards it. Whatever they do, is done with dedication.

8) Counseling – Sometimes I feel that my daughters can become better counselors. I am saying so based on one particular incident when they fully identified what the issue was and came up with the best solution and advised me to take things in the right way not making an issue out of it. I was stunned. At the same time I was glad.

I need not read scriptures to learn about virtues. I can just be with my kids and get a practical experience of a happy life. I am enjoying being their mother. They make me realize that happiness should be from within how much ever harsh the external surrounding may appear. Aren’t they my real masters?

Fancy dress competition?

“Who is the youngest of all Gods?”
“Why all Gods are looking beautiful?”
“Did the person, who drew the picture of God, actually see Him? If no, how does he know that God will look like this?”
“How can God who is just seen in a picture bless or punish us?”

These were the questions that my daughters raised about God some time back. Though I managed to give them an answer for these questions, they still were still not convinced about my answers.

But today, as I was explaining to them the story of Mahabharata, they seemed to be very much interested about Lord Krishna. At one place Krishna was referred to as omnipotent and in the other place as just a character. One of my daughters did not know the difference between Krishna and the Omnipotent. They asked me what the meaning of Omnipotent is. I said that it means God.

She then started thinking in a different angle I guess. She asked me – “Where is God?” This question is a difficult one to be explained to my 6 ½ year old daughter. But I have the responsibility of clarifying all her doubts to the best of my knowledge.
Me: God is everywhere.
Shruthi: But God is seen everywhere only in pictures!
Me: He is seen by us through those pictures but He is actually present in every atom around us.
Shruthi: How could Arjuna manage to see God?
Me: Arjuna was blessed.
Shruthi: Why God didn’t bless me?
Me: He didn’t bless me either.
Shruthi: If I want to see Him now, what should I do?
Me: You just pray with sincere heart. You might be blessed one day with his grace.
Shruthi: How Krishna will come to know about my prayers and how will He bless me?
Me: He will know. He is God.
Shruthi: What should I do if I want to see all the other Gods too?
Me: All Gods are one.
Shruthi: How come there are different Gods and different pictures of God?
Me: It is because God is one, but just that he assumes different forms.
Shruthi: Why do they come in different forms? Any fancy dress competition going on for them?
Me: :)

Karadaiyan Nonbu

Karadaiyaan nonbu has always been an interesting function at home. The intersection of two Tamil months viz., Maasi and Panguni is when this function is celebrated. A yellow colour thread is tied around every girl’s neck on this day. Usually in South Indian community, only married girls wear the sacred yellow thread around their neck. I still remember those days as an unmarried girl how I used to get embarrassed wearing this around my neck during school and college days. Unfortunately there were very few students in our entire school / college who belonged to the community that celebrates this function. The boys in our school / college had a gala time teasing me this day. The only thing I liked about this day was the sweet they prepare – Nonbu adai.

Nonbu adai is usually served with some butter topping. I simply loved to eat those yummy adais with lots of home made butter that gave a wonderful aroma. Until I got married, I did not care to learn how those delicious adais are made. The first karadaiyan nonbu after marriage was hardly celebrated because my husband and I received an invitation to lunch with his colleagues and boss in Le Meridian, Bahrain. So I cared the least to celebrate this. The second time, my MIL prepared them since I was under bed rest because of pregnancy. The third time, I tried to prepare these adais having my two little infants at home. It was a big flop! The adais came out to be scrambled and tasteless that I had to throw out the entire thing out in the garbage.

The fourth time, I happened to celebrate this in my house back in India. I wanted to see my Mom prepare it but then it did not happen though I tasted those delicious adais with home made butter again! The fifth time I began preparing them with some big hope but it was a bigger flop. It came out like a paste. I just cannot imagine what I did to make it into a paste consistency. My husband, who is equally fond of these adais, tasted a bit of that paste and went away without uttering a word.

The sixth time I was in my in-laws’ house where again I got to eat them without preparing. I simply considered myself lucky to get to eat them at least since I flopped every time I prepared. That year, I decided to learn how to prepare it by trying it leisurely on some other day so that I can gain experience. That too did not happen. The seventh and the eighth time, these adais were not prepared that day since on one occasion, my daughters fell sick and the next time, I fell sick.

Today is Karadaiyan Nonbu again. But what a magic! These adais turned out to be perfectly well this time without any hassle. I had those adais with lots of ‘lurpak’ butter. It tasted truly yummy! My kids too loved them.

Finally, my kids asked me the significance of this function. Actually this day is celebrated in commemoration of the victory of Sathi Savithri who fought with Yama – the Lord of Death and brought back her husband. So this day is celebrated praying for the longevity of their husband. But I do not know for what reason unmarried girls too celebrate this event. I did not know how to explain all these to my daughters. So I just told them that today is the most auspicious day for unmarried girls to pray for a good husband and married girls for the prosperity of their husbands. But they asked me yet another question – “When is that auspicious day for unmarried and married boys to celebrate this occasion?” I do not have an answer. Mythology is yet to provide me a story where husbands prayed for the longevity of their wives.

Eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth

Some days back, my husband and I were having a discussion. One of my daughters intervened and asked what were we talking about. I smiled at her and said, "Nothing for you darling. You may not understand. Just go back and play." She gave me a bizarre look. The meaning of her look seemed to me thus - "What is there for you both to discuss without my intervention and what the hell have you got to discuss that I cannot understand?"

A couple of days back my daughters were talking something from the hall and I couldn't hear them since I was operating the mixie. I thought that the two were talking to me. So soon after I was done with the mixie, I went to them and asked, "What?"
Shruthi: What "what"?
Me: What do you want to say?
Shruthi: Nothing
Me: I heard you both talking while I was operating the mixie
Shruthi: Oh that?! That was anyway not meant for you
Me: @#?! What? Not meant for me?
Shruthi: Yes. Not meant for you. We were discussing something about our school and friends that which you will not know or understand.

Oops! Was this a tit for tat for what I did a few days back? I got to watch every step I take, I wish they are not going to turn out to be revengeful in the future!!

Staying in touch

Yesterday was my daughters' last day at school. They would soon be moving to the next grade and probably miss out some friends as a result of the shuffle they might do for the next academic year. My daughters joined this school just 5 months back and it is amazing to learn that they made good friends in this short period and because of them they loved to go to school everyday.

Last evening we had been out for a brief shopping and as we were coming back home, my daughters asked me for my mobile phone. I asked them the reason. They told me that they have obtained the telephone numbers of most of her friends to call them during these holidays. I was surprised to learn about the measures they have already started adopting to stay in touch with their friends. Friends have already started playing a great role in the minds of my young daughters. I just told them that they can call their friends the next day since it was too late last night.

The real test of patience

The next twenty five days are going to be a virtual test of my patience. Yes, my kids’ school has closed and the next academic year is about to begin by April 5th and guess what – my kids will move on to Grade II from next month. How time flies! I still remember the day when they were born. I have heard that it is quite normal for any child to cry as soon as they are born. But my kids made a brief hum. I asked the nurse if it is clinically termed as ‘cry’ and she smiled at me and answered in the affirmative. For many days after birth, I hardly heard them cry that I began to panic. But now I realize that they were God given days of calm before a storm and now I am in the midst of the deafening sound of the storm.

Naturally restless am I. I just cannot sit at a place watching TV or doing nothing. How will I allow my kids to remain at home doing nothing? So I am seriously planning out a schedule for their holidays with loads of interesting activities for Mommy and kidos. I have planned for some brain activities, colouring stuff, creative paper-craft, reading activities, and many such things. They are pretty much excited about their holidays. I will hardly have any time to sit and relax! But it is part of the game. All said and done, it is indeed a wonderful experience to be a Mother. I have to prepare a ‘To do’ list to equip myself before we start our holiday programme.
I should be prepared with lots of goodies for them to munch
I got to buy glitter glue
I need to buy some small toys as a reward for both of them at the end of every week.

I have to bear many things in mind before drafting the schedule of activities for the holiday. –
I should allot too many snack breaks in their holiday schedule
I should not ruin their holiday fun by getting annoyed over their silly pranks
I should imbibe patience in my mind
I should imbibe patience in my mind
I should imbibe patience in my mind.

Let me play and enjoy with them for the next twenty five days.